There is one thing I have learned in life and that is what can be taken, if you have enough faith, will be replaced with something better. Regardless of what belief or religion you follow, there is a lesson that revolves around not mourning what was taken or lost but anticipate and be excited for what is coming. 

August 1st (that darn Mercury Retrograde) took my most favorite car to date (lil' mazzy girl) but I welcomed a new Dodge Durango recently. She got allllll the gazmos and gadgets, andddd a reallllly good sound system (sorry to my neighbors). 

To my surprise, I feel like my personality matches that of the Durango (her name is Bethany, BB for short, thanks to my son). She holds everyone safe, music sounds great, and so looks...like "FAFO". I am not only happy but extremely GRATEFUL. My mazda will be safe as she sits in car heaven, but I most certainly was rewarded with a beautiful new ride. So cheers to the adventures BB will be apart of. 

This leads me to here, last week I found out that my hearing in my left ear that was impaired due to the accident, well, it's gone. WILL NOT come back, not now, not eva. Comparably leaving me with a long standing disadvantage. The solution? A hearing aid. When you read that did you have an 'awe damn' moment like I did? I sat in the ear doctor office, shocked and a little embarrassed. What 30 year old gets excited for a hearing aid, am I right? I sit here writing this, with my stomach still in knots because truth be told, my ego is a little shooketh. Along with that I am still healing from a severe concussion, battling with short term memory (STM) issues, a shorter fuse than normal, and a bunch of doctor visits still ahead of me. 

When I look at all of this, I find myself in the middle of being grateful that I took all of the 'damage' so my girls didn't have to but also on the other hand wishing I could have walked away with, like a broken arm or something. Funny how a traumatic event can have you deciding what a 'lesser' evil is. How something that I walked away from with minor scratches and burns actually made its impact internally, in spaces, that are up to the mercy of the world to 'heal'. 

I have spoken to a few people about it to where I get met with "Well at least you survived", or "A hearing aid isn't that bad", and even "Could have been worse" and although all of this is true it still leaves me with the, "If someone had paid better attention to driving, I wouldn't be dealing with any of this." A normal part of the process, I know this to be true, but I circle back to my thought that, what is taken or lost always gets replaced with something better. I haven't found that 'better' yet, but I am excited to find out what that is. 

However, August is almost at her end...you know what comes after that? September. September to me always screams HALLOWEEN (my favorite holiday) and fall weather. I also been thinking, since I'll have a hearing aid, my costume will be an old lady, a spy, or have mu curly headed baby be Bob Ross and I'll be here security defense. You know, to pay homage to this new, life journey.

So out of that long winded post if you take anything away from this let it be this:

1. Please put the phone down when you drive and be attentive in where you are driving and who is driving around you.

2. If you see me with a hearing aid, be gentle with me.

3. If something is taken or lost above it all, be excited for what is to come as its replacement.

All my love,

Shay